How do Working Women Use Negotiation?

THE PLACE OF NEGOTIATION IN OUR LIVES
Negotiation:

• A discussion intended to produce an agreement
• The activity or business of negotiating an agreement
• Coming to terms

We negotiate all the time (women less than men apparantly). Every time you and your partner agree who is going to put out the trash in exchange for making the dinner. Every time you let your kids talk you into “one more story Mom, then we’ll go to bed; promise”. Every time that you agree to take a smaller rise than you wanted so you can take a little more time off for the kids when you need to.

Negotiation is often unconscious

Negotiating is often more or less unconscious. Take the situation where you agree to answer a colleague’s call so they can get enough quiet time to finish that urgent report. Or you agree to cook all the meals this week even though it is your partner’s turn because they are under huge pressure at work.

Are you doing these things out of the goodness of your heart? Or because you fancy a career as a doormat? No of course you’re not.

The fact is that as you agree to do them there are certain, unspecified and probably unconscious expectations underlying your actions.

You expect that the person you have helped out will remember. You expect they will reciprocate in kind one of these days. We all see this as a kind of bank. You pay into the bank of co-operation with that person and you expect a positive balance when you need to make a withdrawal.

You may feel that you personally are not involved in negotiations very often. But negotiation is only one of a range of words we use to describe this particular activity.

Some of the other words you might use to describe this activity include:

Argue, Disagree Quarrel
Accommodate Agree Assure
Arrange Settle Contract
Quieten Manage Reassure
Dispute Row Clear up
Make certain Mediate Reconcile
Satisfy Work out

Better Negotiation Skills

Improving your negotiation skills does not just help you in once-yearly pay or general contract negotiations. Some of the areas where negotiation skills can help you include:

• Increase your chances of getting work you really love
• Get the salary you know you deserve.
• Get the promotion you want
• Improve teamwork and create a great atmosphere at work
• Achieve your goals through others (shadow negotiation).

If you want to start your own business, being able to negotiate effectively will help ensure you:

• Get access to the capital you need
• Win deals and have great relationships with your suppliers
• Keep customers/clients coming back because they are delighted with your services.
• Get the right staff working for you at the right rates
• Have great staff relations
• Ensure you are on good terms with official bodies (tax/vat, Health & Safety etc) at all times.
• Ensure your neighbours work happily with you to improve your surroundings

In your personal life brilliant negotiations skills would improve things by:

• Keeping your partner contented.
• Keeping the children happy even through the terrible two’s and awful adolescence.
• Maintaining good relationships between all members of your family most of the time (all of the time would be impossible for anyone).
• Ensuring your children know how do the same thing in their lives.
• Helping you to develop a great circle of friends

Who would have thought that improving your physical and mental health would be one benefit of being able to negotiate? Well it is because you:

• Have reduced stress at home and in the workplace
• Achieve more of what you want
• Have more time for activities, exercise etc
• Have improved your own and your family’s diet.

Social/hobbies

• Work to give more back to the community
• Get time to spend on hobbies/activities that you love and get the wherewithal to indulge yourself and your family.

Having better negotiation skills guarantees:

• Healthier relationships
• Greater life satisfaction
• Increased wealth
• Enhanced work outcomes.

Why is this important? Why am I pushing this point? I am pushing it because I want you to see how vital it is to your lifestyle that you are not just good at negotiation, but the very best you can be.

But if you are a woman, the chances are that you are not good at it, at least not nearly as good as the many men around you. A very generalised statement I know, but not only will I stick to my guns and repeat that women are not nearly as good at negotiation, as men, but they also tend to avoid it like the plague, leaving men to pick up all the gains, goodies and tidbits women leave on the negotiation table.
What do you think? Are women less happy to negotiate than men? Are they worse at it?